Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Must See TV

The front of her dress appears to have fallen off. Oh, I forgot. It's Spanish.

There is a show currently on television which manages to amaze, appall and enthrall me in equal measure every Tuesday night.

That show is Big Fat Gypsy Weddings.

Pretty much sums things up, does that title.

It follows girls in the 'travelling' community as they prepare to get married at 17/18 years old.

It is jaw dropping.

It also explains all about the gypsy culture - girls and boys do not socialise together, girls do not drink alcohol, there is no sex before marriage, girls come out of school at 11 to stay home and do housework, seemingly everyone is Irish and has only ever 'travelled' as far as a caravan site in Essex, mullets and ridiculous facial hair are very popular with gypsy men and the most important part of the wedding day is the dress.

This wedding dress weighed 20 stone and featured lights and moving butterflies. Thelma, the scouse dressmaker of choice for the gypsies, was on hand at the wedding with a fire extinguisher in case something went wrong with the electrics. Thelma has also allegedly been done for benefit fraud. Just sayin'.

The bride and groom's first dance was at arms length. Literally.

A friend of mine was asked to do the hair and make up for this wedding. She said no.

No, that is not Donatella Versace after a particularly fierce housefire, that is the mother of the bride. Jesus wept.

Her dress is special for the wedding - she travelled all the way to Wigan to buy it. [The level of cringe inherent in that sentence for anyone from the North West of England is colossal]

The show also delves into the process known as 'grabbing'. In a nutshell, if a gypsy boy sees a female he likes the look of, he approaches her and asks for a kiss. The girl should always say no, otherwise she is immediately and indelibly branded a slut. The boy than asks for another kiss and punches the girl. She is still supposed to say no. The boy carries on punching her until she gives him a kiss.

So far, so rapey.

Them bastards at Channel 4 have disabled embedding for vids so here are some links to some of the best bits.

Josie's hen party her theme is Spanish prostitute

Josie's dress which she also thinks is Spanish

Josie is already pregnant according to The News Of The World. What a catch her husband Swanley is. He drove himself to the wedding in a transit van, got lost and tried to take a drink into the church with him. Classy.

My pathetic words cannot do this show justice - I strongly recommend watching the Youtube clips of the whole farrago.

The programme also shows the lives of gypsy children. It showed one girl getting her first spray tan at the age of 6. She thought that was the right age. She was having her first Communion, so that required her face to be covered in glitter spray. Jesus loves glitter spray.

What was genuinely quite disturbing was the way the 6 year old girls were dressing and dancing. They were dancing as though they were getting paid by the hour for it. They had mini stripper clothes on too. Very unsavoury.

Perhaps the most bizarre part of the show so far was the story of the brother and sister who were having their Communion and had outfits specially made for it. The inspiration for her dress and his suit? The movie Coming To America, obviously.

"What does dumb fuck mean?"

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