Thursday, 14 October 2010


I am so excited.

This weekend I am travelling to Monkey World in Dorset, a mere 4 and a half hours from home.

The point of the visit? To look at monkeys. Hopefully without getting my face torn off.

More specifically, to see this orangutan:

AKA the fattest primate in Britain.

The orangutan is called Oshine [pronounced Osheen] and weighs 100kg. Even fatter than me.

She had been kept as a pet in South Africa and lived on sweets, jelly, burgers and marshmallows. Now she has been put on a diet of fruit and vegetables. And she doesn't look happy about it.

She looks like a little, angry, fat ginger man. A kind of fanta pants primate version of Phil Mitchell ... minus the ludicrous crack addiction.

Oshine had to travel in a specially built crate from Joburg to London. The shame.

Oshine had better be on display to the public. If not, I'll be demanding a refund.

I love an obese pet.

There is nothing better than seeing a really fat cat looking completely disinterested as it's moron owner dangles some yarn in front of it in a vain attempt to encourage it to exercise. Or an obese cat in a sweater. Or with something on it's head. Or wearing sunglasses.

Obese pets, putting the lol into cruelty to animals.


Phil & Paula said...

Had you been in today you would have overheard my ridiculous rant about how chimps are not monkeys (applies to orangutans too), spiders are not insects, and I can't even remember what it was that got me started it was so unneccesary (I have no interest in learning how to spell that word).
Please respect my pointless pedantry in furure posts...

Jess said...

Pipe down Phil!