Thursday, 14 October 2010


I am so excited.

This weekend I am travelling to Monkey World in Dorset, a mere 4 and a half hours from home.

The point of the visit? To look at monkeys. Hopefully without getting my face torn off.

More specifically, to see this orangutan:

AKA the fattest primate in Britain.

The orangutan is called Oshine [pronounced Osheen] and weighs 100kg. Even fatter than me.

She had been kept as a pet in South Africa and lived on sweets, jelly, burgers and marshmallows. Now she has been put on a diet of fruit and vegetables. And she doesn't look happy about it.

She looks like a little, angry, fat ginger man. A kind of fanta pants primate version of Phil Mitchell ... minus the ludicrous crack addiction.

Oshine had to travel in a specially built crate from Joburg to London. The shame.

Oshine had better be on display to the public. If not, I'll be demanding a refund.

I love an obese pet.

There is nothing better than seeing a really fat cat looking completely disinterested as it's moron owner dangles some yarn in front of it in a vain attempt to encourage it to exercise. Or an obese cat in a sweater. Or with something on it's head. Or wearing sunglasses.

Obese pets, putting the lol into cruelty to animals.