Monday, 18 January 2010

Why Not?

Why not pay £7.60 to go to the cinema and watch a film whilst talking loudly throughout the whole thing?

[Talking through a film is only acceptable if you are me, it is Friday night and you find yourself in Westbrook Odeon watching Paranormal Activity whilst drunk. Then your running commentary will not only enhance your own personal viewing experience, but that of everyone else sat around you, providing such insight as: "Why is he leaving the door open?!" and "What a DICKHEAD!" Then upon the ending of the film pronouncing loudly: "Is that it?! That was almost as bad as the Blair Witch Project!"]

Why not be an employer? Why not laughably refer to the people you deal with as 'customers'? Why not make sure that your 'customers' have a collective IQ of 3.826? Why not enforce so many petty, illogical and ridiculous rules that you make a convention of OCD, semi-autistic Health & Safety officers look like a hookers-'n-coke feeding frenzy?

Why not go and watch Sting AND Bono in Help For Haiti? Here's an idea douchebags, why not shut your fucking traps and put your hands into your own very deep pockets and spare us all your numbskull dad-rock/medieval lute rainforest panpipe arse and just give Haiti $10million each of your own money. And whilst we are on the subject, Bono and Sting - hasn't Haiti suffered enough?

Why not read The Shack with a straight face? Oh, wait, because that's impossible.

Why not, eh?

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