Sunday, 22 November 2009

Heroes & Villains


Heroes of the week:

1. The guy sat 2 rows in front of me at the Arctic Monkeys show last night.

You, Sir, rock. Hardcore.
I got more entertainment from watching you dance and attempt to take pictures whilst being sky high than I did from watching the actual band.
My favourite moves of yours were the Get-It-On style spirit fingers and the fact that you threw out the 'You rock!' devil horns during the slowest, most inappropriate parts of songs.
And you had a flowing mane of hair.
I also enjoyed the fact that the person stood next to you moved after about 6 songs because your dancing was too 'enthusiastic'.
I would give my left arm to see the pictures you took.
They could probably win the Turner Prize.

2. Matt Helders, drummer of the Arctic Monkeys

As with the Kings Of Leon, the drummer was by far the best band member.
His afro was astounding.

3. Belgians

For inventing the Belgian waffle.

4. Jacob Black/Taylor Lautner

For being so gosh darned hot in New Moon.
I would go and see Face Punch with you any day of the week.
And to quote the man himself, age is only a number.
It still feels a little creepy, though.

5. The hair and make up department on New Moon

Much improved.
The hair was much, much better.
And RPattz had a much less noticeable tide mark round the side of his face.


Villains of the week:

1. The Arctic Monkeys beer throwers

Beer in the arena costs £4 a pint.
Don't throw the liquid gold, dickheads.

2. The 12 year old emo I sat next to in New Moon

Please don't scream like it's 1989 and we are at a New Kids On The Block concert every time Edward appears on screen.
Thankssomuch.

3. The New Moon special effects department

The sparkling does not look any better.
Trust me.

4. The first 150 pages of 'The Host' by Stephenie Meyer

You make it really hard to actually get into the book. Just FYI.

5. Having to work on Tuesday after drinking too much on Monday night

Pub quiz with free food and £1500 up for grabs led to the consumption of 3 bottles of wine.
And me sweating grape juice the following day at work. Bleurgh.

Most regrettable thing said whilst drunk this week:

"Yeah, I've been thinking about joining a gym"

Weirdo of the week:

The 60 year old man I spoke to on the phone at work who asked me if I wanted to meet him for coffee in Southport. He told me that he had been an alcoholic but he hadn't had a drink for 13 years, but he lives his life now the way he used to drink - "like a wildman". I was also told that he was divorced and his wife would take him back "in a second", but he didn't like her anymore. He told me that it was often said that he looked like Robert de Niro and that he may be coming up for 60, but there was nothing wrong with his libido. He actually said the word libido in a funny accent. He said that talking to me had made his day and that he liked my accent and "authoritative tone".

Make of that what you will.

6 comments:

EHisCDN said...

You saw New Moon too! I agree with most of what you said. Are you Team Jacob or just Team Taylor? Cause he was smokin hot in the movie!

Val said...

Really, my day, week, or month is not complete unless there is a posting from you...exactly how did said DeNiro look alike pronounce "libido?"

Jess said...

@ EH - Definitely Team Jacob. Edward is a bit pathetic.

Did the part where Alice had a vision of Edward and Bella skipping down a country lane together get a huge laugh in your cinema? Unintentionally hilarious!

@ Val - I would describe the accent as generic Euro. Maybe a cross between French and Spanish.

It was weird as he had a really strong Liverpool accent, so I was having to translate everything he was saying anyway!

EHisCDN said...

Well that part definitely had me killing myself laughing! I had seen some random pictures from that scene when I was surfing the net a few months earlier and I had no idea what it was about then - didn't stop me and my sister from heckling it though ;). I'm usually the loudest laugher in the theatre so if I was laughing it most likely made others laugh too!
Edward is so possessive and annoying, although the movies have made me see how much he does love Bella, but their relationship is not an equal one...I could talk about Twilight forever!

Chan said...

Jess Club, I will not forget your gym comment, drunk or not I am going to hold you to it, haha!!

Oh and team Edward always!!!

Jess said...

Channy, we all know that it doesn't count if you say it when you are drunk!

I assembled the Thanksgiving drunken purchase tonight, btw.

And I thought you were Team Jedward after watching New Moon?!

I expect you to have read at least 50 pages of The Host when I see you later on today!