Monday, 4 May 2009

I May Literally Be Killed For This

One of you lot will have to collect the posthumous Pulitzer that this type of investigative journalism usually yields.

Last night, I heard a noise. It was a loud noise. I was at the parental home. It wasn't late at night. It was about 10.30pm. Thought I would go and check it out. I found my mother, CBM, asleep.

Now, she claims that she doesn't snore. That is clearly a lie. And the Mutley-esque laughter is me. Shortly afterwards, she actually woke herself up.

Let me just endnote this by saying that CBM is my favourite person in the world EVER. But she is also unintentionally hilarious. She once asked a builder to put a dildo rail in our hallway [meaning to say dado rail]. She had a lengthy conversation with me about my Catherine Cookson bag. She meant Cath Kidston. Then there was the infamous time when she described herself as 'part time teacher, part time inventor'. Her world famous accents always seem to end up being Indian. And she has never heard a song which she couldn't make up her own words to.

I have just had a conversation with her where she was holding a bunch of flowers and she said to me: 'Jessica, do you have any comment to make?' and held the flowers in my face pretending they were a microphone.

And she has just made me a bookmark with "To Jess, Happy Reading! ♥ You, Mum xxx" written on it. Aww.

And Claire, if you are reading this, don't tell your mum about this! You know the twins can't keep anything to themselves.

And Maureen & Denise, don't mention this at the next mum's night!

How much does CBM look like Grandad Elton John in this pic?!

No comments: