Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Things I Firmly Believe ...

  1. I have changed the lives of probably more than 20 people by speculatively purchasing a copy of Twilight, having known nothing about it and having £2.99 burning a hole in my pocket

  2. Food shopping may be the greatest kind of shopping

  3. Public transport is full of crazies [not including me]

  4. Nobody is genuinely interested in the life of Jennifer Aniston

  5. Shakespeare plays set in 'the hood' or 'da ghetto' are invariably garbage

  6. Watching 'Singin' In The Rain' will make all human beings wish they could tap dance

  7. Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

  8. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition could bring a tear to a glass eye

  9. Ventriloquism is the lowest form of comedy

  10. Cats are cleverer than us

  11. I could write a book better than some which have actually been published [though that very poorly constructed sentence would suggest not]

  12. All audio books should be read by Dr Stephen Hawking

  13. Swearing is big and clever

  14. I could be Ludacris' personal battery changer and thus part of a rapper's entourage

  15. Dusting may be the most pointless of all household chores

  16. Motorists should be able to legally knock down cyclists who ride their bikes at night in all black clothing and with no lights on

  17. Phone-A-Friends on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' who ask for the question to be repeated or who otherwise take 3 days before saying 'I'm really not sure', should have to pay their friend's winnings out of their own pocket

  18. I could be a doctor purely through prolonged exposure to television medical dramas

  19. I would like to go to Norway

  20. Nobody can listen to 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' and feel unhappy

  21. Late night radio is crap

  22. James Franco is suddenly very hot

  23. I may never get a car purely because of the number of lifts I owe other people

  24. Come Dine With Me Sunday More 4 marathon is the ultimate televisual experience

  25. The greatest Facebook group I am in is: 'The gingerbread man from Shrek deserves an Oscar'. Not his gumdrop buttons!

  26. The Ting Tings are the most disappointing live band I have ever seen. And I have seen Boyzone. Twice.

  27. Vegetarianism is sometimes a pain in the arse

  28. I have 1001 other things which I have to do before Monday. So I have decided to do none of them

  29. Gigantic SUV tank-like vehicles in towns should be crushed or used to run over their owners

  30. The fact that I burnt my finger today on carrot and lentil soup after I told a joke which was offensive to hippies, was probably karmic

  31. I may be weird because some of my biggest crushes are on fictional characters [one day I will post a list of my top literary hot bitches - after conferring with my Smut Club homies first]

  32. There ain't no party like an S Club party

1 comment:

Gaz said...

re no 13: Swearing is like a dyslexic midget - it's NOT big and it's NOT clever!