Saturday, 28 March 2009

My New Favourite Website


I have recently [always late to the godforsaken party] started perusing a website called Fmylife. A somewhat more family friendly way of saying, like the liquor store employee in Superbad, fuck my life.

It basically provides a forum to share all the shitty, messed up things which are currently ruining all of our lives. Some of them are pretty funny. Observe:

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate which I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML.

Today my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk into his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming that she wanted someone more like her 'Edward'. I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her 'Twilight' book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML.

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML.

Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realised that both of my parents have the same last name. I asked them about it and they told me they are second cousins. FML.

Today, my fiancee broke up with me. Via a Myspace message. While we were both in the same apartment. FML.

Today, I handed in my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "ni**er". My professor is black. FML.

Today, on the 6 train home, I had a gun placed against the back of my head and my wallet, watch and ipod stolen. As soon as the robber got what he wanted, he turned and ran, dropping his weapon on the ground. I got robbed by a man wielding a Pez dispenser. FML.

Today, I turned 22 without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. The only phonecall I got all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML.

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. Nobody told me he died. FML.

Today, I came back to my apartment to find I couldn't watch certain channels on my TV. When I called the TV company, I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all of my favourite channels. I'm 22 and rent an apartment with friends. FML.

Today, my father asked if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to 'surprise mom later'. Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML.

The Edward Cullen one I could totally imagine happening! Though I much prefer Jacob myself.


2 comments:

mer said...

black & gold = pure gold. love it. also love that some people's lives are more crap than my own.

Jessclub7 said...

'Tis an awesome song, to be sure.

One hit wonder though?