Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Top 8 Things I Have Seen In New York City With My Own Eyes

8. Harry Potter's Wand

I saw the play Equus starring Harry Potter. He took all his clothes off at the end and it was very, very awkward. I will not lie, I leant forward in my seat when I saw the clothes start to come off. I thought it would be a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flash. But no, the nekkidness lasted a lot longer than I thought it would and there was WAAAAAAAAAAY more moving around than was strictly necessary - cartwheeling over stage blocks and such. Put it away, Potter!

Flo is also adamant that Julia Roberts was sat about 4 rows in front of us - I maintain that it was just a ginger woman.

7. The Guacamole Ninja At Mama Mexico

I have never seen an avocado chopped so beautifully by a small Mexican man. Would bring a tear to a glass eye.

6. The New York Rangers vs. Washington Capitals

2-1 Rangers, Henrik Lundqvist First Star. God damn, my memory is good. Enhanced by foam finger related shenanigans.

5. Wicked

The best musical I have seen in a long while. Listen out for me singing along horrifically to Defying Gravity, Popular and What Is This Feeling? All the while complaining that the goat man is, like, the worst character ever and should be cut from the musical.

4. Pink Dog

A poodle which had been dyed pink by its slightly deranged owner. The dog's spirit has been clearly broken. Captured by Miss J's mad camera skillz.

3. Arms & Armour at the Metropolitan Museum

It took us on a magical mystery tour of the museum as we, Scooby Doo style, seemed to be passing the same grandfather clocks, pot plants, suits of armour etc. But it was well worth it. Never have I wished to be a Samurai so much!

2. Blake!

Hey buddy! Blake willingly took us to a Chinese fake bag dungeon, bought us a donut for breakfast and found a Cold Stone for dessert. But he cannot top the list - though he was there for magical moment number one.

1. Rob Schneider at Bubby's in Tribeca

At brunch on a normal Sunday morning, my life was forever changed when Blake leant across the table and discretely whispered, 'Don't all look at once, but I think Rob Schneider just walked in'. What. A. Spot. I mean, Rob Schneider! That is a ginuwine, bona fide D-List celebrity, right?! It is one of the few regrets I have in my life that I did not approach him and say something moronic like: 'Ohmigod! It's you! Oh, Adam Sandler, I LOVE your movies!'

His face had a lovely plastic sheen to it and his hair was really thinning. What a guy. The fact that he has somewhat of a career, I think, deserves our admiration. Especially when it comes coupled with such a palpable lack of talent.


mer said...

during the dotcom nightmare of the late 1990's there was this horrific trophy wife (Marlena Copeland) who had two little yappy dogs and had them dyed fushia (sp?) because she kept stepping on them because, and I quote, "they blended in with my white marble floors"...

how drunk do you have to be at 11 a.m. to mistake your dog for the floor?

Jessclub7 said...

Or at any o'clock?

When has a dog EVER looked like a floor?

Some people really are oxygen thieves.